Shoreview: Avenged

I took a walk today through my favorite place in the world. The dog park in my neighborhood.

But then I realized...

Shoreview has been plagiarized. I was walking through the local dog park and something clicked. As I looked around I began to notice similarities between movies and the park. Then it hit me, directors have been using Shoreview as a muse for their inspiration to create block busters on the silver screen. Well I am here to expose this tragedy and give Shoreview the acknowledgement it deserves. I didn't hear Peter Jackson give a special thanks to Minnesota when he won all those Oscars for Lord of the Rings- or maybe he was holding so many that it covered his mouth and we couldn't hear it. You are welcome Hollywood, for being there for you and asking for nothing in return. It is now time I chastise you in this public forum (read by 3 people) for what you have done.

We start with George Lucas. The worm below is named Henry. He is the father of a thousand and a loyal husband. He works hard everyday to bring home better soil for his family and attends church every Sunday. I talked to Henry recently and he told me about the time when George Lucas stopped by to say hello. Little did Henry know, Lucas was stealing ideas for a creature he wanted to use in his next Star Wars film. And those "family portraits" Lucas was eager to take for them? Henry has yet to see them. Now, with the economy the way it is, Henry feels that he deserves some credit for his role in inspiring the creature on the meteor that Han Solo flies his ship into. I went to get some remarks from Henry today, and found him fried on the sidewalk. I hope he can rest now knowing he has been recognized as Lucas's true muse.

And you, Guillermo del Toro. I saw Pan's Labyrinth and the whole time couldn't help but thinking that the tree in it looked slightly familiar. Don't try to get away with it, I know you are a suave and acclaimed director, and you speak really awesome Spanish, but there is no excuse for this...

Well if it isn't Peter Jackson. You would think that filming in New Zealand and Australia would be enough, but you had to fly all the way to Minnesota to steal our beautiful "countryside"? I guess I can say thank you for not completely changing the name of "Shoreview" when renaming your Hobbit infested land the "Shire" but please, leave us alone, and stay on your island.

Yet again, Jackson. And this time, naming them the dead marshes? This used to be a thriving running river where my friends and I would go on hot summer days to relax and play. I believe we called it "the swimmin' hole" not "the dead marshes" maybe you should release another version of your movies calling this place what it really is.

Well if it isn't George Lucas. Back again to silently steal the majestic forests of Shoreview. As a child I used to take my bike speeding down the trails of this wooded area pretending to shoot lasers at my friends, and even that made it into your stupid movie. So you are taking my childhood now, too? You know what? I bet no one even watches your silly sci-fi movies anyways.

ld expect it from a human, but not you Little Foot. You and I both know, the first ever "tree stars" or as we people like to call them, LEAVES, came right here from Shoreview Minnesota.

Okay Motocrossed, you might be the best Disney Channel Original Movie, but there is NOTHING original about stealing OUR bike trick hang zone, and making money from it. You need to hike back to this hidden trick park and give all the 6th graders the profit they deserve for inspiring your "original" movie.

"Momma always said life is like a box of chocolate." Okay, Mr. Gump, but did she ever tell you it was wrong to steal? There is only one place you could have gotten the idea for a bench, and that is right here in Shoreview. It's so obvious. Where is your integrity?

Dear Pocohantas, please stop running around my park looking to get inspired for your films. It's annoying and scares me when I'm rollerblading. Its like you took a picture of my favorite rock and tried to duplicate the photo in your movie. Well I want my rock back.

Just around the river bend? You know what is just around the river bend Poco? My fist of justice.