Today I realized something terrible...

...middle parts make me look like the Prince of Persia.

Pet Peeves

I was walking through the Mall Of America today (or "MOA" as we natives like to call it) and realized that almost everything I see bugs me... I have decided to list my top ten pet peeves here for the world, some of which were inspired by my day at MOA.

1. People who hold things with wheels and look exhausted

2. Men who drive without their shirts on

3. Overweight people who eat Dairy Queen in the car for lunch because "it's quick"

4. People who drive next to you in traffic with all their windows down and then act like they can't hear you when you ask if you can merge into their lane

5. When there is a 70% sale in J. Crew making the cheapest thing 50 dollars (and it's a hair accessory)

6. When the 2 people who you know that have pools both have full time jobs and you are unemployed and its 95 degrees outside

7. When you are watching two shows on tv at the same time and then their commercial breaks start to sync and you have to choose between "16 and Pregnant" on MTV and "Hoarders" on TLC

8. When the only music that motivates you to run everyday is Justin Beiber and you actually hate his music

9. That new country song "Praying for You" by Jaron and the Long Road to Love

10. Men in Victoria's Secret

For more of the things that bother me at MOA feel free to catch this show on TLC. Classic.

I do love my great state of Minnesota and believe the things that irk me, are what makes it the best state in the U S of A.

All About Steve

Okay, so I'm going to be honest here... this video is NOT going to win any awards nor will it make you smarter nor will it give you super powers. My friend Steve and I had high hopes of creating a masterpeice interview, but when we realized how boring we actually are, we were left with 8 minutes of this... Enjoy!

*Please note* there is no ending to this video...things just ended when his brother called and we realized we were late for a lacrosse game across town. But COMING SOON...

There will be the posting of a movie made in 2006 by my friends and I as well as the long awaited sequel made in 2010, four long years later... keep a sharp eye for these masterpeices to be posted SOON! For now enjoy two friends, just catchin up...

I would also like to thank those who do check up on my bloggy blog, I am starting to feel famous like that Julia girl who learned how to cook and they made a movie about her. What I am trying to say is that they should make a movie about me.

I love you all dearly (shout out to the ABRAHAMIANS!)

Apapacho.

Dear Lauren...This is for you...

It's all for you.

I decided today, to talk to the camera about all my feelings. I have to give styling credit to Maria Bamford- a Minnesotan Comidianne- who inspires what I think is funny.

Shoreview: Avenged

I took a walk today through my favorite place in the world. The dog park in my neighborhood.

But then I realized...

Shoreview has been plagiarized. I was walking through the local dog park and something clicked. As I looked around I began to notice similarities between movies and the park. Then it hit me, directors have been using Shoreview as a muse for their inspiration to create block busters on the silver screen. Well I am here to expose this tragedy and give Shoreview the acknowledgement it deserves. I didn't hear Peter Jackson give a special thanks to Minnesota when he won all those Oscars for Lord of the Rings- or maybe he was holding so many that it covered his mouth and we couldn't hear it. You are welcome Hollywood, for being there for you and asking for nothing in return. It is now time I chastise you in this public forum (read by 3 people) for what you have done.

We start with George Lucas. The worm below is named Henry. He is the father of a thousand and a loyal husband. He works hard everyday to bring home better soil for his family and attends church every Sunday. I talked to Henry recently and he told me about the time when George Lucas stopped by to say hello. Little did Henry know, Lucas was stealing ideas for a creature he wanted to use in his next Star Wars film. And those "family portraits" Lucas was eager to take for them? Henry has yet to see them. Now, with the economy the way it is, Henry feels that he deserves some credit for his role in inspiring the creature on the meteor that Han Solo flies his ship into. I went to get some remarks from Henry today, and found him fried on the sidewalk. I hope he can rest now knowing he has been recognized as Lucas's true muse.

And you, Guillermo del Toro. I saw Pan's Labyrinth and the whole time couldn't help but thinking that the tree in it looked slightly familiar. Don't try to get away with it, I know you are a suave and acclaimed director, and you speak really awesome Spanish, but there is no excuse for this...

Well if it isn't Peter Jackson. You would think that filming in New Zealand and Australia would be enough, but you had to fly all the way to Minnesota to steal our beautiful "countryside"? I guess I can say thank you for not completely changing the name of "Shoreview" when renaming your Hobbit infested land the "Shire" but please, leave us alone, and stay on your island.

Yet again, Jackson. And this time, naming them the dead marshes? This used to be a thriving running river where my friends and I would go on hot summer days to relax and play. I believe we called it "the swimmin' hole" not "the dead marshes" maybe you should release another version of your movies calling this place what it really is.

Well if it isn't George Lucas. Back again to silently steal the majestic forests of Shoreview. As a child I used to take my bike speeding down the trails of this wooded area pretending to shoot lasers at my friends, and even that made it into your stupid movie. So you are taking my childhood now, too? You know what? I bet no one even watches your silly sci-fi movies anyways.

ld expect it from a human, but not you Little Foot. You and I both know, the first ever "tree stars" or as we people like to call them, LEAVES, came right here from Shoreview Minnesota.

Okay Motocrossed, you might be the best Disney Channel Original Movie, but there is NOTHING original about stealing OUR bike trick hang zone, and making money from it. You need to hike back to this hidden trick park and give all the 6th graders the profit they deserve for inspiring your "original" movie.

"Momma always said life is like a box of chocolate." Okay, Mr. Gump, but did she ever tell you it was wrong to steal? There is only one place you could have gotten the idea for a bench, and that is right here in Shoreview. It's so obvious. Where is your integrity?

Dear Pocohantas, please stop running around my park looking to get inspired for your films. It's annoying and scares me when I'm rollerblading. Its like you took a picture of my favorite rock and tried to duplicate the photo in your movie. Well I want my rock back.

Just around the river bend? You know what is just around the river bend Poco? My fist of justice.

Do you think Mighty Mouse could beat up Superman?

Day one:

1. Sleep until 11 a.m.

2. Clean

3. Run

4. One of the greatest movies of all time. A movie that surely inspired movies like Sandlot and the Goonies- forever changing the way we look at summertime and friends

"If I could only have one food for the rest of my life? That's easy-Pez. Cherry-flavored Pez. No question about it."

Stand By Me boasts one of the greatest soundtracks of all time as well including:

Yakety-Yack by The Coasters

Come Go With Me by the Del Vikings

Everyday by Buddy Holly

and

Book of Love by the Monotones

A special shout out to a younger, "bleachier" Keifer Sutherland

5. Salmon for dinner

Summer is proving to be more exciting than I thought

Night One

This summer I am living in Shoreview, Minnesota. A 12.7 square mile city in Ramsey County, in a state hugged by The Dakotas, Iowa, Wisconsin, and Big Brother Canada to "da nort." My house sits quietly on a street only occasionally rustled by the scooters and tricycles of a family on their post-supper walk taking in the sweet aroma of the bbq being had by a few other families on the block and the blooming of my families many assorted planted flowers. Our house is inhabited by my mother who enjoys tea, my father who is learning to cook, and the memory of a loved family pet who passed several years ago and still brings allergic tears to my eyes when I sit on his favorite chair.

Currently I am sitting under a toile comforter propped up by two decorative pillows, jobless and looking for something to do this summer to keep me sane. So far, my summer plans include going on a diet and taking a summer school economics class at the highly acclaimed Hamline University. I plan on blogging to keep my reader informed of the woes of a 21 year old college student living in her parents house for the summer.

I find myself staring off into the distance sometimes reflecting upon my past year in Santa Barbara living in the hustle and bustle of State Street and trying to keep my head above water amongst the sea of academic rigor that Westmont claims and upholds. I miss it, yes. But this summer will prove to be something sweeter, slower, and challenging in new ways. I may feel crazy and visit Paul Bunyon in Bemidji, get lost in the Mall of America, go to a Twins game in the new Target Stadium, or try and find where Minnesota's most notorious celebrity actually lives (please note awesome earring).

Hopefully this summer will live on as legend along with my other favorite American Tall Tales.

I leave you with this video of the most exciting thing to happen in this town since is founding in 1957... and yes... the girl interviewed is named Arwen.